Being Bouvier Lyrics

Being Bouvier Text

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[Major Bouvier]
Being Bouvier
Means being a handsome chap
Golf with a handicap
Less than eight or nine

[Brooks](spoken)
Sir?

[Major Bouvier]
Being Bouvier
Means helping the working man
Voting Republican
Down the party line!

[Brooks](spoken)
Check!

[Major Bouvier]
Being Bouvier
Means being French Catholic
Married - if God says "stick," you stay.
And that's why they call me "Major,"
Forever, I'll wager.
My right as a ripe old-ager to say:
A major am I at being Bouvier

[Brooks](spoken)
But Major Bouvier, sir, the time-

[Major Bouvier](spoken)
All right, all right, I'm coming.

[Major Bouvier & Brooks]
Being Bouvier

[Brooks]
Means guiding your family.

[Major Bouvier]
Spending responsibly.

[Major Bouvier & Brooks]
Captain of the ship. Aye!
Being Bouvier

[Brooks]
Incarnates good character.

[Major Bouvier]
Prying my granddaughter
From her mother's grip!
Staunchly standing up
To pianists with lazy wrists.

[Major Bouvier & Brooks]
Holding the Socialists at bay!

[Major Bouvier]
To Hell with the damn New-Dealers!

[Brooks]
Free thinkers!

[Major Bouvier]
Free-mealers!

[Brooks]
The free-love fanatics!

[Major Bouvier]
The crackpot operatics
Of Edith, that blowzy sack of hay...
The worst of the brood at being Bouvier!

[Jackie & Lee](spoken)
Gran'pa! Gran'pa's here!

[Major Bouvier](spoken)
Jackie! Lee! And Edie... the last hope of the great Bouvier clan!

[Edie](spoken)
Oh, honestly-

[Major Bouvier](spoken)
I mean it! My sons, a pair of ne'er-do-wells. My daughter, an hysteric! Well, they say greatness always skips a generation.
Now it's up to you to burnish the family crest. Take a good look at it, children, and remember...

(sung)
This crest of our French royal provenance.
It took a while for it.
We paid a pile for it.
So don't end up spinsters and dilettantes.
The name "Bouvier"
Will surpass all others
All of your uncles, dads... and mothers.

[All]
Being Bouvier
Means leading the average Joes!

[Major Bouvier]
Honor!

[All]
When all else goes astray!

[Major Bouvier]
And thus with no more digressing
I give you my blessing
Be "staunch," little girl
I'm guessing some day
You, too, will become a major-

[Jackie, Lee, & Brooks]
Major-

[All]
Major Bouvier!

[Thanks to Jake for lyrics]