The Happiest Home in These Hills Lyrics – Jeff Conaway

The Happiest Home in These Hills Text

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He's gone that-a-way
He's went this-a-way
He's up a tree I think!
Oh Petey, Oh Petey...
Where are you?
Please come back
Oh Petey, Oh Petey...
You're like a son to us
We miss you, We miss you
If I get near him you can bet I won't miss him with this.

I'll cook you cake and gingerbread,
Bring you tea in bed on a tray,
We'll slave while you go fishing
You'll get permission to run and play
These tears oughta show you I care
Come back, by cracky we'll share
The happiest home in these hills...in these hills!

Gonna snag him, gag him, drag him through town
Put his head in the river, let the pup drown,
Trap him, strap him, wrap him in a sack. Yeah!
Tie him screaming to a railroad track.

We'll have you sing in chapel
You'll be the apple of Momma's eye
I'll tend to all your sowing and do your mowing
So just rely on me
Dang, we know you're out there
It's late, we're waiting to share
The happiest home in these hills...in these hills!

Gonna paw him, claw him, saw him in half,
When he cries out for mercy we'll just laugh,
Beat him, heat him, eat him for dessert. Yeah!
Roast him gently so the flames won't hurt.

(Part 2)

We'll swim and you'll go camping
You'll be a champ in your own backyard
Our love is overflowing, it keeps on growin'
You'll sleep good knowing you're home in these hills...

We're gonna string him from a tree
In these hills
We're gonna sting him like a bee
In these hills
We're gonna spill him on his head
In these hills
We're gonna fill him full of lead
In these hills

[Thanks to jakob, Angela for lyrics]