GARÇON, S'IL VOUS PLAÎT Lyrics

GARÇON, S'IL VOUS PLAÎT Text

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FRENCH SOLDIERS:
Garçon, s'il vous plaît,
Encore Chevrolet coupé;
Papah, pooh, pooh, pooh!
Garçon, qu'est-ce que c'est?
Tra la, Maurice Chevalier!
J'adore crêpes Suzette
Et aussi Lafayette!
[THEY MARCH, REPEAT THIS, COME TO ATTENTION]
And now we give the meaning of this song:
We're six of the fifty million and we can't be wrong!
We're six of the fifty million and we can't be wrong!

ENTRANCE OF FRENCH AMBASSADOR

FRENCH AMBASSADOR:
I am the Ambassador of France,
And I've come here to see
A grievous wrong righted.
My country is deeply hurt.
Not since the days of Louis the Seventh,
The Eighth, the Ninth, the Tenth,
And possibly the Eleventh,
Has such a thing happened.

ENSEMBLE
What's troubling you?

FRENCH AMBASSADOR:
You have done a great injustice
To a French descendent-
A lovely girl
Whose rights have been trampled in the dust.

ENSEMBLE:
Who is she? What's her name?

FRENCH AMBASSADOR:
Her name is Diana Devereaux.

ENSEMBLE:
Diana Devereaux! Diana Devereaux!
Since when is she of French descent?

FRENCH AMBASSADOR:
I've been looking up her family tree
And I have found a most important pedigree!

THE ILLEGITIMATE DAUGHTER

FRENCH AMBASSADOR:
She's the illegitimate daughter
Of an illegitimate son
Of an illegitimate nephew
Of Napoléon.

ENSEMBLE:
Napoléon?

FRENCH AMBASSADOR:
She offers aristocracy
To this bizarre democracy,
Where naught is sacred but the old simoleon!
I must know why
You crucify
My native country
With this effront'ry
To the illegitimate daughter
Of an illegitimate son
Of an illegitimate nephew
Of Napoléon.

ENSEMBLE:
To the illegitimate daughter
Of an illegitimate son
Of an illegitimate nephew
Of Napoléon.

[ENSEMBLE TURNS ON WINTERGREEN]
ENSEMBLE:
You so-and-so!
We didn't know
She had a tie-up
So very high up!
She's the illegitimate daughter
Of an illegitimate son
Of an illegitimate nephew
Of Napoléon.

DIANA:
Ah!
I was the most beautiful blossom
In all the Southland.

MARY AND WINTERGREEN:
We know all that.

FRENCH AMBASSADOR:
You know all that,
But you don't know the misery
Of this poor little girl who has suffered.
Because...

ENSEMBLE:
Because...

MARY AND WINTERGREEN:
Because?

FRENCH AMBASSADOR:
Because...

BECAUSE, BECAUSE (REPRISE)

DIANA:
Because, because, because, because,
I won the competition
But I got no recognition
And because he broke my heart!

Because, because, because, because,
The man who ought to love me
Tried to make a money of me,
Double-crossing from the start!
I might have been First Lady,
But now my past is shady.
Oh, pity this poor maidie!

FRENCH AMBASSADOR:
And there's the man who ought to pay!

ENSEMBLE:
Because, because, because, because,
She won the prize for beauty,
But she didn't do his duty;
He has broken my heart!

FRENCH AMBASSADOR:
[TO WINTERGREEN]
You see this poor girl has suffered.
And so, on behalf of France,
I demand that your marriage be annulled
And that you marry Diana.

WINTERGREEN:
Never, never!

FRENCH AMBASSADOR:
Then you will arouse the anger of France,
And you must be prepared to face the consequences!

[SOLDIERS LINE UP WITH AMBASSADOR AND DIANA.
THEY MARCH OFF, SINGING]

FRENCH SOLDIERS:
Garçon, s'il vous plaît,
Encore Chevrolet coupé;
Papah, pooh, pooh, pooh!
À vous tout dir vay à vous?

FULTON:
Jack, you've got to do something about this.

WINTERGREEN:
Leave Mary? Never!

FULTON:
We are all in this together;
We are birdies of a feather.
And if you don't change your thesis
Then our party goes to pieces!

LYONS:
All our jobs you'll be destroying
With your attitude annoying.

GILHOOLEY:
You will get us all in trouble!
And in spades, sir, which is double!

WINTERGREEN:
I will never leave Mary!

LYONS:
Since he's acting so contrary,
Send him off on a vacation.

GILHOOLEY:
I suggest resignation.

WINTERGREEN:
Resignation?

ENSEMBLE:
Resignation?

FULTON:
You've got to face it - This is a crisis!
To leave your Mary you may decline;
But to save us, my good advice is:
You resign!

ENSEMBLE:
Yes, you resign!

WINTERGREEN:
I assure you - though it's a crisis!
To leave your Mary I may decline;
And I don't care what your advice is;
I decline to resign!

MARY:
We decline to resign!

WE'LL IMPEACH HIM

[TO EACH OTHER]

LYONS AND GILHOOLEY:
He is stubborn - we must teach him;
I'm afraid we must impeach him!

ENSEMBLE:
He is stubborn - we must teach him;
He has forced us to impeach him!

COMMITTEE:
You decline to resign.
So we'll teach you!
We'll impeach you!

SECRETARIES:
You decline to resign-
We don't envy you at all!

COMMITTEE:
You decline to resign.
So we'll teach you!
We'll impeach you!
You decline to resign-
Humpty Dumpty has to fall!

[THEY EXIT]

WHO CARES? (REPRISE)


MARY:
Who cares
If the sky cares to fall in the sea?

WINTERGREEN:
We two together can win out*
Just remember to stick you chin out.

[*EARLIER VERSION OF THIS AND NEXT LINE:
Who cares if Congress is crummy?
They can never take my love from me!]

MARY:
Why should I care?
Life is one long jubilee-

BOTH:
So long as I care for you-
And You care for me!