Military, The

Military, The Song Lyrics

---

SCHMITZ
The military academy
Is the place where he should be sent.
We'll drill the silliness from his head-
I'm sure we'll make a dent!

We'll teach him fighting
And left and righting
Until he's muscled and tan!
A-hut-two-three!
He's pathetic!
A-hut-two-three!
Unathletic!
A-hut-two-three!
But I'm betting we can!
The military!
That's what makes a boy...
A man!

(CADETS enter)

CADETS
Schmitz, Schmitz, Schmitz, Schmitz,
Schmitz, Schmitz, Schmitz, Schmitz,

SCHMITZ
Look at these boys.
Why, you'd never know that just a few short months ago this one hummed in the shower!
This one couldn't color within the lines. And this one actually had an Opinion!

SCHMITZ
Our boys believe
In the right of every who
To eat their bread
Butter side up!

CADETS
Butter side up!

SCHMITZ
One thing we trust
On this fragile speck of dust
Is eating bread
Butter side up!

JOJO
Butter side up?

SCHMITZ
And as for those who like their butter down

CADETS
Down! Down! Down!

SCHMITZ, CADETS
We'll go to war
And run them out of town!

(DANCE BREAK, in which the CADETS perform military exercises.
JOJO tries to imitate them with little success.)

CADETS
A-hut-two-three!

SCHMITZ
We enlist 'em.

CADETS
A-Hut-Two-Three

SCHMITZ
In our system.
And boys soon see
Nothing's easier than...
The military!

SCHMITZ CADETS
That's what makes a boy...
That's what makes a boy... That's what makes a boy ... That's what makes a boy...
A man!!! A man!!!

(SCHMITZ starts a "marching call" and the CADETS begin to march off in line.
JOJO tries to keep up.)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
9.1 THE MILITARY (PLAYOFF: GREEN EGGS AND HAM)

SCHMITZ
I do not like green eggs and ham!

CADETS
Do not like green eggs and ham!

SCHMITZ
I do not like them, Sam I am!

CADETS
Do not like them, Sam I am!

SCHMITZ
Sound off!

CADETS
Eggs and ham!

SCHMITZ
Sound off!

CADETS
Sam I am!

SCHMITZ & CADETS
I do not like green eggs...
And ham!
Schmitz, Schmitz, Schmitz, Schmitz...

(JOJO'S PARENTS are gone as the scene transitions to JOJO'S military school,
HE is now alone in his bunk bed.
Simultaneously we see HORTON alone, guarding his clover. Night falls.)