The Contest Lyrics – Sacha Baron Cohen, Johnny Depp, Tomothy Spall

The Contest Text

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Song from Sweeney Todd

PIRELLI (sung)
I am Adolfo Pirelli
Da king of da barbers
Da barber of kings
E Buon Giorno, good day
I blow you a kiss

And I, da so famous Pirelli
I wish-a to know-a who has-a the nerve-a to say
My elixir is p**s!
Who says this?

TODD (spoken)
I do. I’m Mr. Sweeney Todd from Fleet Street. I have opened a bottle of Pirelli’s Elixir and I say to you, it is nothing but
an arrant fraud, concocted from p**s and ink. Furthermore, Signor, I have serviced no kings, yet I wager that I can shave a
cheek with ten times more dexterity than any street mountebank.

PIRELLI (spoken)
You hear dis foolish man? Now please you will see how he will regret his folly!

TODD (spoken)
Who’s for a free shave? Will Beadle Bamford be the judge?

BAMFORD (spoken)
Glad, as always to oblige my friends and neighbours! The fastest, smoothest shave, is the winner!

PIRELLI (sung)
Now signorini, signori
We mix-a da lather
But first-a you gather

Around signorini, signori
You looking a man
Who had-a da glory
To shave-a da pope

Misterr Sweeney, whoever
I beg-a da pardon
You’ll probably say-a it was only a cardinal

Nope!
It was-a da pope!

To shave-a da face
To cut-a da hair
Require a grace
Require da flare

For if-a you slip
You nick da skin
You clip-a da chin
You rip-a da lip a bit beyond-a repair

To shave-a da face
Or even a part
Widout it-a smart
Require da heart

Not just-a da flash
It take-a Panash
It take-a da passion for da art

To shave-a da face
To trim-a da beard
To make-a da bristle
Clean like a whistle
Dis is from early infancy
Da talent give to me by God

It take-a da skill
It take-a da brains
It take-a da will
To take-a da pains
It take-a da pace
It take-a da grace

BAMFORD (spoken)
The winner--is Todd!

[Thanks to Toni for lyrics]

[Thanks to Requiem Bell for corrections]