Charity's Soliloquy Lyrics – Gwen Verdon

Charity's Soliloquy Text

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Charity:
Can I remember how this song and dance began?
Yes, I can and damn right I can!
It began, well, anyway you see there was this man
Who stopped and asked me if I knew which way
Was Lexington Avenue.
He said I'm gonna Bloomingdale's.
I said I'm gonna Bloomingdale's.
So we hoofed it over the Bloomingdale's,
He wanted to buy some jockey shorts...
Then he said: " miss, would you like a cup of tea
Or maybe some seven-up?"
I left the tea picked up the tab for the jockey's shorts
And the taxicab
He dropped me off and I burnt
Boy, let that be a lesson to ya
Lower the poem girl, lower the poem
But what can you do when he knocks on your door
Cause they locked him out of his furnished room
So...he moves in!
He moves in with his jockeys shorts and a paper bag
Nothing else!
He needs toothpaste and a tooth brush
And pajama tops
He needs razor blades , a razor and a comb,
Several!
He needs sistering and brothering and fathering and mothering
He needs a hat to hang up in my flat and call it home.
In no time at all
I find we're very much in love
And I'm blushing like a sentimental slob.
And he's kissing me and hugging me
And all the time he's bugging me to
Go out and try to find myself a better paying job.
Comes July, it's ninety-eight degrees.
He wants a coat, he wants a fur line coat
(???)
While I really didn't begrudge it
When I figured out my budget for that coat
I had to dance with something like
Eleven hundred jerks
Now comes February, ten degrees...

I need a coat
Need a coat to warm his puddle
That I bought!
So he gives me his old sweater ,
A muffler and a stretcher
That I give to him, ha ha ha!
The bronchial pneumonia that I caught.
Then I give him pocket money,
Poker money, smoking money, skating money
Poling money, movie money, haircut money,
Shoeshine money,
Money for a bill from Louis' Bar
Money for a bill from Maxi's Bar
Money for a bill from Charlie's Bar
But will he ask for subway money?
Now he wants some subway money
As he turns out
The bum wants to go to Florida!
Come on down
Now hear this and get this
Hold this and Amen
This big fat heart ain't gonna be joined apart
Ever, ever, ever again!