Choose Me, Oprah! Lyrics

Choose Me, Oprah! Text

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Sarah:
Move over, Anne Rice
Get out of my way, John Gresham
Go screw yourself, whoever wrote The DaVinci Code!
There’s only one person I need to make this happen…

Some people say that you’re divine
So won’t you answer this prayer of mine?
I found my devotion unto thee
If you’ll just put me on the TV
You and I will make a real good mix
I write the kind of books you love by chicks
And as for looks, well I ain’t no slouch
Oh God, I wanna sit on your holy blessed
Your holy blessed couch

Choose me, Oprah
Use me, Oprah
Make me a person people adore
Hug me, Oprah
Love me, Oprah
I’ll be your book selling whore

Shaniquah & Diane:
Oh
Oh, whoa
Oh, whoa
Oh, whoa-oh-oh-oh

Sarah:
Shaniquah! Diane!
I wrote a memoir of inspiration
It tells the truth with fabrication
I’ll go on air and I’ll cry on cue
I can be a white Maya Angelou

Shaniquah & Diane:
Angelou!

Sarah:
Mine tells the tale of a woman in charge
It’s not too long and the words ain’t large
It’s so much better than your usual cr*p
And I got a marketable handicap

Shaniquah & Diane:
She’s got a marketable handicap!

Sarah:
Back me, Oprah
Hack me, Oprah
We can sell books from here to Guam
Shield me, Oprah
Dr. Phil me, Oprah
Let’s kick butt on Amazon.com
Woo me, Oprah
Do me, Oprah
Show the world how much you care
Spank me, Oprah
You’ll thank me, Oprah
I wanna be a millionaire!

I said, Oprah!
Selling more and more
I said, Oprah!
I’ll be your bookselling whore
I said, Oprah!
Better than your usual cr*p
I said, Oprah!
Marketable handicap
I said, Oprah!
Tell the world you care
I said, Oprah!
Make me a billion
A zillion
A trillionaire!
I said, Oprah!
I said, Oprah!
I said, Oprah!
I said, Oprah!
Oprah!

[Thanks to Henrique Takimoto Jasa for lyrics]